drowning in the blue nile, he sent me 'downtown lights'. i hadn't heard it in a while, my boredom's bone deep, this cage was once just fine. am i allowed to cry? i dream of cracking locks, throwing my life to the wolves or the ocean rocks, crashing into him tonight, he's a paradox. i'm seeing visions, am i bad? or mad? or wise?

what if he's written 'mine' on my upper thigh only in my mind? one slip and falling back into the hedge maze, oh what a way to die! i keep recalling things we never did, messy top lip kiss. how i long for our trysts without ever touching his skin ⸻ how can i be guilty as sin?

what if i roll the stone away? they're gonna crucify me anyway. what if the way you hold me is actually what's holy? if long suffering propriety is what they want from me. they don't know how you've haunted me so stunningly. i choose you and me... religiously.